


Here to Stay

by Ladyluckk



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyluckk/pseuds/Ladyluckk
Summary: Lavi hadn't meant to stay the night, but what's done is done. Now he struggles over whether or not he should stay.
Relationships: Lavi/Allen Walker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Here to Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing related to DGM.  
> A/N: I procrastinated on writing my next chapter for my laven fic and wrote this instead... oops? :)

The air is cool and brisk inside the dark, small room. It causes goosebumps to erupt across Lavi’s exposed skin as he stares upwards at the ceiling; unblinking. He’s been awake for the past half-hour, trying to wrap his mind around the prospects of last night.

He never thought what happened would ever come to pass. He squeezes his eyes shut, cursing inwardly at his foolishness.

Part of him screams at himself for being so stupid while another part of him aches to snuggle down deeper into the heavy covers and hold tightly onto the warm body that lays next to him.

But he knows he shouldn’t. That he can’t.

Last night was a mistake, he thinks. Bookmen aren’t supposed to get attached; they have no need for real relationships, no need of a heart. He always lived by that code; having it drilled into his head for years. He always took everything day by day, wearing the facade with no problem. The alias Lavi was supposed to be no different. It was just another job, another war, another mask.

Lavi opens his eyes to peer down and over at the sleeping silver haired boy.

But somewhere along the line, Allen had broken that mask beyond repair.

It was a small chip at first, easy to ignore; so he did. But as time went on it only grew.

He thought nothing of the faint pang in his heart when Allen was upset. He brushed off the way his own smile grew at the sight of Allens. He overlooked the way his stomach twisted when Allen lingered longer than deemed appropriate after a hug.

He dismissed every feeling Allen made him feel; not even entertaining the idea that his mask was slipping and that Allen was slowly cracking and chipping it away piece by piece. Soon enough Lavi couldn’t distinguish whether he even had it on or not when he was with him.

Still, he tried to ignore it, making excuse after excuse.

His boisterous laughter at Allen’s bad jokes were just part of his character. His panic over Allen’s safety during battles was just because he would be in danger if he were left to fight alone. The way his heart skipped a beat when Allen teased and flirted with him wasn’t anything serious. Their first kiss was just a drunken mishap that they wouldn’t remember the next day. That being a shoulder to cry on was just part of his charade.

He even ignored his rage at Tyki and grief he felt over Allen’s death, thinking it was just because he wasn’t able to prevent it from happening.

But those delusions quickly vanished when Tyki told him Allen was alive.

Lavi had felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him at the time. He couldn’t breathe as both shock and relief washed over him. That’s when Lavi knew he was fucked.

His mask shattered right before his eyes as his heart felt as though it was going to burst at the news. And there was nothing he could do but watch as the pieces fell around him like confetti.

He had let Allen get too close. He had let him get under his skin. And he knew it had to change.

When things had finally died down at the Order, Lavi knew Allen would come search for him and when he did, he told the silver haired boy everything he didn’t want to hear.

The tears in Allen’s eyes nearly broke him.

It took everything in him to not reach out and pull Allen to him, to beg for forgiveness. But he wouldn’t let the mask slip, he couldn’t.

He knew how he felt about Allen, but it didn’t matter. His feelings didn’t matter. Being a Bookman meant no strings attached, that they could never be together. He could never be what Allen wanted and be a Bookman at the same time. If he had to break Allen’s heart to save him from more pain down the road, then so be it.

But then Lavi realized Allens tears weren’t of sorrow. They were of anger. Allen had seen through him and he was angry that he tried to hide.

He yelled at him, his tears of frustration raced down his face as he rambled on, his eyes wide and brows burrowed. Lavi just stood there, stunned into silence as he watched him.

And then Allen’s hands had started to tremble and his voice had started to crack as he ranted on. He was putting on a brave face, but deep down he was terrified; scared that Lavi would still reject him. Allen’s own mask was slipping and before Lavi knew what he was doing, he had pulled Allen to him, shutting him up with a forceful kiss.

He knew he’d regret it later, but at the time he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was kiss Allen; even if it were just for a moment.

But what was just supposed to be one foolish, impulsive kiss, quickly turned into much more.

It was a mistake. A naive, short-sighted mistake. He should just jump out of the bed, leave and never look back, Lavi thinks.

But if he truly thought it was a mistake then why does the thought of leaving Allen hurt so much?

Lavi groans inwardly as he runs his hand down his face, shaking his head at himself as he thinks about where this leaves him.

His movement causes Allen to stir in his sleep and Lavi’s heart practically jumps into his throat as he’s afraid he’ll wake Allen up, but he lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn’t. However, Allen’s arm suddenly reaches outwards grabbing blindly until he finds Lavi.

Before he knows it, Lavi is being pulled rather tightly against Allen’s slender frame despite the boy being asleep. Lavi freezes as he feels Allen burrow his face into Lavi’s chest, taking in a deep breath before a sigh slips past his slips.

A new warmth blossoms, igniting inside Lavi’s chest as he hears his name and it reminds him of the way he called it out last night. Full of pleasure and love.

It shocks Lavi to say the least. But Allen always surprises him.

Before he met him, he thought all humans were dull and predictable. Doomed to repeat the same history over and over; never changing. But Allen is different. He didn’t pick a side. He wanted to save them all; humans and Akuma alike.

He’s never met someone as caring or as brave; someone so determined to save everyone that his courage often leads him to make foolish, reckless decisions in the name of saving lives.

But it’s one of the reasons Lavi had fallen in love with him. And Allen had chosen him back.

It’s not until that moment Lavi realizes he can’t leave him. He can’t leave the boy who, despite his best efforts, he has fallen for and somehow miraculously loves him back. He wants to stay and be with him; consequences be damned. And while that idea terrifies him, he also finds it oddly comforting.

Lavi moves, shifting himself into a more comfortable position before reaching out with his own arms to hold Allen closer; impossibly tight to himself before closing his eyes and basking in the warmth of Allen’s embrace.

He has no idea what will happen when they wake up, but right now he is with Allen and knows that no matter what comes next, he’s here to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/Kudos are appreciated!


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